A Message to First time Mommies
A girlfriend of mine is preggers and I couldn't possibly be more excited for her. She's not a naive teenager; she's an intelligent, capable and, most importantly, hilarious woman. I know her sense of humour will serve her well when she finds herself smeared with baby poop someday soon. While I'm sure she's not going into this next chapter of her life blind, I think that none of us can really anticipate how greatly life will change once this teeny weeny person moves into your house. During pregnancy, there's no shortage of strangers offering you congratulations, advice and tidbits of wisdom. I've actually had a stranger at Home Depot put her face on my belly to talk to Simon in this horrendously cutesy voice. I could feel her breath through my sweater! yuck. There is nothing like a bump to draw the attention and well-meaning advice of strangers. This advice ranges from the typical crap like: "start putting pablum in the bottle right away to get more sleep at night" or "leave the window in his room open a crack-he'll sleep through the night!" etc. I've always found that practical suggestions like that are best managed by smiling, nodding and promptly forgetting.
What's tougher to forget are comments about the emotional side of motherhood. Comments about all the things you are SURE to feel the very instant your sweet, perfect baby is placed in your arms. My mom always told me that the delivery room filled with a wonderful smell the second I was born...she said she was overwhelmed with adoration for me the second I was laid on her chest. Of course, when I was pregnant with Owen, I believed that my immediate reaction would be just as powerful and beautiful as hers and every other decent mother's out there. Here's the thing: after the physically and mentally challenging work of labour, I was delirious with exhaustion by the time I finally met Owen for the first time. The Dr. placed him in my arms and I felt as though everyone around me was watching for my reaction-I felt nothing. Nada. Zip. I felt like I'd left my body and was standing in the corner watching this skinny, sweaty, tired girl hold a baby. I faked a smile and kissed his forehead. Then SLAM, I was back in my body and overwhelmed with guilt...I didn't feel adoration! What the hell was wrong with me?! Clearly, I was a terrible mother and we'd only been acquainted for 5 minutes.
After a piece of toast, a cup of tea and a good sleep I woke up a new woman. I woke up a mommy. I spent hours laying in a hospital bed with Owen's small warm body on my chest and knew before I'd packed my bags to go home that I'd die for this tiny person in a New York minute. Of course, once settled in at home, we faced the first 6 weeks of parenthood and those are the hardest. There were days when I cried just as much as my boys during those first weeks. Nights when I tapped Tim on the shoulder and said "Nope. I'm done, sucka. He's all yours." I once went for a walk around the block at 3am in February because I thought I was going nuck'n futs in my house. Still, there really hasn't been a day since each of my boys were born that I don't stand in their room at night listening to them breathe and feeling totally overwhelmed by how much I love them. I know that sounds hokey, especially since there also hasn't been a day that I haven't thought "holy crap, this gig is hard!!". But, after the tantrums and conundrums have passed, I've got these 2 bright, sweet, wonderful boys and I feel very lucky.
So my message to my friend is this: whatever you feel (or don't feel) in those early minutes, hours, days and weeks-it's totally and completely fine. You'll find your mommy groove and you're going to be just fine.
What's tougher to forget are comments about the emotional side of motherhood. Comments about all the things you are SURE to feel the very instant your sweet, perfect baby is placed in your arms. My mom always told me that the delivery room filled with a wonderful smell the second I was born...she said she was overwhelmed with adoration for me the second I was laid on her chest. Of course, when I was pregnant with Owen, I believed that my immediate reaction would be just as powerful and beautiful as hers and every other decent mother's out there. Here's the thing: after the physically and mentally challenging work of labour, I was delirious with exhaustion by the time I finally met Owen for the first time. The Dr. placed him in my arms and I felt as though everyone around me was watching for my reaction-I felt nothing. Nada. Zip. I felt like I'd left my body and was standing in the corner watching this skinny, sweaty, tired girl hold a baby. I faked a smile and kissed his forehead. Then SLAM, I was back in my body and overwhelmed with guilt...I didn't feel adoration! What the hell was wrong with me?! Clearly, I was a terrible mother and we'd only been acquainted for 5 minutes.
After a piece of toast, a cup of tea and a good sleep I woke up a new woman. I woke up a mommy. I spent hours laying in a hospital bed with Owen's small warm body on my chest and knew before I'd packed my bags to go home that I'd die for this tiny person in a New York minute. Of course, once settled in at home, we faced the first 6 weeks of parenthood and those are the hardest. There were days when I cried just as much as my boys during those first weeks. Nights when I tapped Tim on the shoulder and said "Nope. I'm done, sucka. He's all yours." I once went for a walk around the block at 3am in February because I thought I was going nuck'n futs in my house. Still, there really hasn't been a day since each of my boys were born that I don't stand in their room at night listening to them breathe and feeling totally overwhelmed by how much I love them. I know that sounds hokey, especially since there also hasn't been a day that I haven't thought "holy crap, this gig is hard!!". But, after the tantrums and conundrums have passed, I've got these 2 bright, sweet, wonderful boys and I feel very lucky.
So my message to my friend is this: whatever you feel (or don't feel) in those early minutes, hours, days and weeks-it's totally and completely fine. You'll find your mommy groove and you're going to be just fine.
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