The Dimple
I thought it was kind of cute. Albeit a strange place for a dimple, but dimples are cute no matter where they're found. Am I right?!
Tim was the first to notice the small dimple on her lower back. It's possible that his family's history with spina bifida and pilonidal disease made him hyper aware, his keen eyes were the first to spot that cute little dimple just minutes after her birth. I was just snuggling into my bed and praising the universe for the miracle of my daughter's safe, speedy, wonderful arrival on the planet. I was in a state of euphoria when I heard Tim mention the dimple casually to our midwife. She assured us that it was nothing. It's shallow so it's nothing more that a cute lil butt dimple and with that good news, we settled into what would be days of endless cuddling.
Two months later, I took our girl to her first visit with our family doctor. In the waiting room, I met another mom and her lovely, happy, bouncing baby girl. This woman told me of the terrifying journey she and her family had gone through after it was discovered at her daughter's well baby visit that she had fluid on the brain. Her baby was sent straight from that doctor's visit to our local children's hospital and was having surgery to place a shunt system into her little body soon after. "That must've been so scary", I said. "It really was" she nodded. I'm ashamed to admit that for a split second I thought "Thank Jeeeeebus that this shit always happens to other people and couldn't possibly happen to us". Then the nurse called my gal's name and we went into the doctor's room. It was supposed to be a routine "well baby" check-up. I thought she'd get the first of her vaccinations and I'd get the pleasure of hearing how awesome she's doing. Gaining weight, warm and pink, bright eyed. All was going well until the doctor rolled my daughter onto her stomach and said "she's got a cleft in her back". I said "I know, it's cute eh? The midwife said it's shallow and you can see the base so it's nothing". She furrowed her eyebrows and my stomach hit my throat. As though her eyebrows had a direct, invisible connection to my stomach, like strings on a puppet. I steadied my voice and asked "Do you think it's a concern?". "Well, it may be spina bifida occulta". She said it without terror, panic or pity so I kept my shit together right there in the office. She said that she'd order an ultrasound so that we could see what was happening with the spine underneath that cute lil' butt dimple. I left the office and got into my car, immediately rummaging through my diaper bag for my iphone. I called Tim and gave him the low-down. We hung up and googled the hell out of the words "Spina Bifida Occulta". Google is a bitch, honestly. Google doesn't give a rat's ass about your feelings and the top results are usually the grimmest. Google told me that my daughter could have a tethered spinal cord, that she may have problems walking or one foot may turn in awkwardly. Google told me that she may have problems with her bowels and bladder and, of course, the doctor had just decided to forgo the vaccinations because my gal hadn't pooped in 10 straight days. EGAD!! It's starting already, she's not pooping! It must be her spine!!!! I cried my face off right there in my car. I tried to distract myself by taking my kids to the mall for lunch but I just ended up crying my face off over my terriyaki chicken and people were starting to gawk so I went home.
On September 30th, I took my girl to the hospital for an ultrasound. I held her angry, rigid body while she screamed for 20 minutes straight, lying on her tummy. The kid hates 'tummy time' and I'm a sucker for her pouty lip, I flip her back over every time-who needs neck control anyways? The news is all good, people. All good. Her spine is completely normal, it ends where it should, it's untethered, it's BEAUTIFUL! It's a great looking spinal cord. Sometimes, a cute dimple is just a cute dimple. Perhaps if we'd never noticed it, we'd never have had to endure a few weeks of anxiety. Still, even if it had been something, we'd have been fortunate. Spina Bifida Occulta is the MILDEST form of the defect. In fact, it's possible that 'Occulta' is latin for "Calm the fuck down, she's gonna be fine" but don't quote me on that. Many families have heard far worse news about their child. That mom in the waiting room heard far worse news than this. People in our very own family have heard far worse news about their kids than this. Far far worse. We're lucky. We've got each other, we've got three healthy, clever booger factories. And my girl, well, she's lucky too-she's got the cutest lil butt dimple in town.
Tim was the first to notice the small dimple on her lower back. It's possible that his family's history with spina bifida and pilonidal disease made him hyper aware, his keen eyes were the first to spot that cute little dimple just minutes after her birth. I was just snuggling into my bed and praising the universe for the miracle of my daughter's safe, speedy, wonderful arrival on the planet. I was in a state of euphoria when I heard Tim mention the dimple casually to our midwife. She assured us that it was nothing. It's shallow so it's nothing more that a cute lil butt dimple and with that good news, we settled into what would be days of endless cuddling.
Two months later, I took our girl to her first visit with our family doctor. In the waiting room, I met another mom and her lovely, happy, bouncing baby girl. This woman told me of the terrifying journey she and her family had gone through after it was discovered at her daughter's well baby visit that she had fluid on the brain. Her baby was sent straight from that doctor's visit to our local children's hospital and was having surgery to place a shunt system into her little body soon after. "That must've been so scary", I said. "It really was" she nodded. I'm ashamed to admit that for a split second I thought "Thank Jeeeeebus that this shit always happens to other people and couldn't possibly happen to us". Then the nurse called my gal's name and we went into the doctor's room. It was supposed to be a routine "well baby" check-up. I thought she'd get the first of her vaccinations and I'd get the pleasure of hearing how awesome she's doing. Gaining weight, warm and pink, bright eyed. All was going well until the doctor rolled my daughter onto her stomach and said "she's got a cleft in her back". I said "I know, it's cute eh? The midwife said it's shallow and you can see the base so it's nothing". She furrowed her eyebrows and my stomach hit my throat. As though her eyebrows had a direct, invisible connection to my stomach, like strings on a puppet. I steadied my voice and asked "Do you think it's a concern?". "Well, it may be spina bifida occulta". She said it without terror, panic or pity so I kept my shit together right there in the office. She said that she'd order an ultrasound so that we could see what was happening with the spine underneath that cute lil' butt dimple. I left the office and got into my car, immediately rummaging through my diaper bag for my iphone. I called Tim and gave him the low-down. We hung up and googled the hell out of the words "Spina Bifida Occulta". Google is a bitch, honestly. Google doesn't give a rat's ass about your feelings and the top results are usually the grimmest. Google told me that my daughter could have a tethered spinal cord, that she may have problems walking or one foot may turn in awkwardly. Google told me that she may have problems with her bowels and bladder and, of course, the doctor had just decided to forgo the vaccinations because my gal hadn't pooped in 10 straight days. EGAD!! It's starting already, she's not pooping! It must be her spine!!!! I cried my face off right there in my car. I tried to distract myself by taking my kids to the mall for lunch but I just ended up crying my face off over my terriyaki chicken and people were starting to gawk so I went home.
On September 30th, I took my girl to the hospital for an ultrasound. I held her angry, rigid body while she screamed for 20 minutes straight, lying on her tummy. The kid hates 'tummy time' and I'm a sucker for her pouty lip, I flip her back over every time-who needs neck control anyways? The news is all good, people. All good. Her spine is completely normal, it ends where it should, it's untethered, it's BEAUTIFUL! It's a great looking spinal cord. Sometimes, a cute dimple is just a cute dimple. Perhaps if we'd never noticed it, we'd never have had to endure a few weeks of anxiety. Still, even if it had been something, we'd have been fortunate. Spina Bifida Occulta is the MILDEST form of the defect. In fact, it's possible that 'Occulta' is latin for "Calm the fuck down, she's gonna be fine" but don't quote me on that. Many families have heard far worse news about their child. That mom in the waiting room heard far worse news than this. People in our very own family have heard far worse news about their kids than this. Far far worse. We're lucky. We've got each other, we've got three healthy, clever booger factories. And my girl, well, she's lucky too-she's got the cutest lil butt dimple in town.
Oh Suzie - I'm sorry you guys had to go through that. We used to do consults for all those little dimples...because yeah, they can be associated with stuff. But then a lovely ped at Mac did rounds on common baby stuff and had a whole section on those little dimples. He ended by saying how 'simple dimples' are nothing to be worried about and don't need any follow up - so long as you can see the skin where it ends at the base. Since then, we've stopped harassing all our peds for ultrasounds of every little simple dimple.....unfortunately, not all family docs are able to get to hospital rounds....
ReplyDeleteYou're not the first family to be told by us it's fine and then told by the GP that it might not be.....
Again, I'm really sorry you guys had to go through that!
Thanks Rhea. Yes, we spent a few weeks biting our nails around here but all's well that ends well. We're really grateful for both the care we received from our midwives and the care we're now getting from our family doc. Happy to live where we do and have access to such good people.
ReplyDelete