Shaky faith and my Reverend Tim Tom
My 6 year old has taken an interest in God. His mind is abuzz with questions and thoughts about this seemingly magical invisible man who made us. Some of these questions are funny ("Can he see me when I poop?") and others are insightful ("But if lots of people are talking to him at the same time, how can he hear me?!") He's asked me more than once if God is 'real'. Cue the sweaty palms and stuttering. Amazingly, I'm more comfortable talking to him about private parts than this. My son, my innocent and curious child, is causing me to do some soul searching. There was a time, about 15 years ago, that I would have been able to talk to him about this with confidence. At that time, I thought I knew where I stood. I would've called myself a Christian. I joined a youth-group led by a cool, young minister who played guitar and had a ponytail.
Ok, the video quality is garbage but Tim and I were killing ourselves laughing when we saw this episode. It's just too damn perfect!
I was enamoured. I thought he was incredibly cool and, as he represented church to me, I thought church could be cool too. I worked as a camp counsellor at a church camp. I was all in, folks. Then, slowly but surely, questions and doubts worked their way into my so-called faith. Questions I couldn't seem to get straight answers to. I started to look at the world with a critical eye and couldn't help but notice that religion (and people who claimed to be acting in the best interests of their God/s) was playing a role in the majority of conflict and suffering we see. The label "Christian" began to feel like an itchy sweater I needed to wriggle out of. Looking back, I think it was the sense of belonging that attracted me to church. These kids had to be nice to me because that was the rule. Jesus said so. For a skinny, freckled, awkward girl, that deal was too good to pass up so I strapped on my WWJD bracelet and fit right in with these warm, welcoming, soulful people. I met adults and young people who had this noticeable sense of peace. For awhile, I think I had it too. Their shared beliefs and convictions connected them to each other and, to this day, I think that's a wonderful thing. It's a thing that I'd like for my kids to have. Community. A place to belong and be known. Peace. Faith. A belief, without proof, that there is someone watching over them. When they feel like their lives are going to the crapper, I'd like them to have something to hang onto.
There are also things that I don't want for them. I don't want for them to believe that their path is the only righteous one. I hope to encourage those bright minds to be interested in other viewpoints, to see their benefits and flaws, and to be respectful of all. I don't want them to take the word of a three thousand year old book as absolute truth. In all honesty, I don't believe for a second that Noah built a big-ass boat and sailed the planet's critters off to safety. Can you picture a geriatric guy approaching two lions and saying "Guys, here's the deal. You're gonna drown unless you hop on this here boat, please don't eat me." I don't buy it and that's only one story I don't buy. There are others. I shake my head and think "I don't want any part of this nonsense" when I hear fundamentalists argue against teaching evolution in schools. Sorry but if you don't think we came from monkeys, then you're probably still equipped with an ape brain. I want to barf when people claiming to align themselves with Jesus, spout off judgment about gay people or women. The bible is a very old book, influenced by fallible human hands many years ago, and this is a modern world. I'd like them to take the book's intent to heart. Be kind to each other, be concerned for the people you're sharing the planet with, be responsible for your actions. Say sorry. Don't kill someone. Don't steal your buddy's girlfriend. (That's in the bible AND the bro code, so it's doubly sacred).
I'm still not sure where I stand. I'm still not sure that the word "Christian" is one that could fairly describe me. For now, I don't think it has to. For now, I'm going to take this curious 6 year old (and his siblings) to a United church each Sunday. I'm going to take him to the place that can help him with his questions, I'm going to take him to the place that might bring him a sense of peace, belonging and community as he grows. I'm going to have my 3rd baby baptised because I think it's a beautiful way to acknowledge the gift of new life. I'm going to remind these kids that there are many types of churches, temples, synagogues etc. for many types of people, none of which are wrong. I'm going to be open to connecting with a church, and it's people, again and we'll just play the rest by ear. So, yeah, peace be with you, I guess.
I was enamoured. I thought he was incredibly cool and, as he represented church to me, I thought church could be cool too. I worked as a camp counsellor at a church camp. I was all in, folks. Then, slowly but surely, questions and doubts worked their way into my so-called faith. Questions I couldn't seem to get straight answers to. I started to look at the world with a critical eye and couldn't help but notice that religion (and people who claimed to be acting in the best interests of their God/s) was playing a role in the majority of conflict and suffering we see. The label "Christian" began to feel like an itchy sweater I needed to wriggle out of. Looking back, I think it was the sense of belonging that attracted me to church. These kids had to be nice to me because that was the rule. Jesus said so. For a skinny, freckled, awkward girl, that deal was too good to pass up so I strapped on my WWJD bracelet and fit right in with these warm, welcoming, soulful people. I met adults and young people who had this noticeable sense of peace. For awhile, I think I had it too. Their shared beliefs and convictions connected them to each other and, to this day, I think that's a wonderful thing. It's a thing that I'd like for my kids to have. Community. A place to belong and be known. Peace. Faith. A belief, without proof, that there is someone watching over them. When they feel like their lives are going to the crapper, I'd like them to have something to hang onto.
There are also things that I don't want for them. I don't want for them to believe that their path is the only righteous one. I hope to encourage those bright minds to be interested in other viewpoints, to see their benefits and flaws, and to be respectful of all. I don't want them to take the word of a three thousand year old book as absolute truth. In all honesty, I don't believe for a second that Noah built a big-ass boat and sailed the planet's critters off to safety. Can you picture a geriatric guy approaching two lions and saying "Guys, here's the deal. You're gonna drown unless you hop on this here boat, please don't eat me." I don't buy it and that's only one story I don't buy. There are others. I shake my head and think "I don't want any part of this nonsense" when I hear fundamentalists argue against teaching evolution in schools. Sorry but if you don't think we came from monkeys, then you're probably still equipped with an ape brain. I want to barf when people claiming to align themselves with Jesus, spout off judgment about gay people or women. The bible is a very old book, influenced by fallible human hands many years ago, and this is a modern world. I'd like them to take the book's intent to heart. Be kind to each other, be concerned for the people you're sharing the planet with, be responsible for your actions. Say sorry. Don't kill someone. Don't steal your buddy's girlfriend. (That's in the bible AND the bro code, so it's doubly sacred).
I'm still not sure where I stand. I'm still not sure that the word "Christian" is one that could fairly describe me. For now, I don't think it has to. For now, I'm going to take this curious 6 year old (and his siblings) to a United church each Sunday. I'm going to take him to the place that can help him with his questions, I'm going to take him to the place that might bring him a sense of peace, belonging and community as he grows. I'm going to have my 3rd baby baptised because I think it's a beautiful way to acknowledge the gift of new life. I'm going to remind these kids that there are many types of churches, temples, synagogues etc. for many types of people, none of which are wrong. I'm going to be open to connecting with a church, and it's people, again and we'll just play the rest by ear. So, yeah, peace be with you, I guess.
well done! I am applauding you for posting this well-written, insightful, witty, and honest narrative. I hope that you're holding your head up high!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more with your point of views and my 5 year old daughter has been asking questions and teaching me lessons of religion and I don't know how to act or how to answer. We both did LID and we both did the church camp thing...I loved this blog post, let me know where your new found journey with faith and parenting leads you
ReplyDeleteHey Suzie - you might also like "The Meeting House" (www.themeetinghouse.com). "A church for people who aren't into church", it's a pretty seeker friendly place with great kids programs too. While it is a church in the "bible believing, Jesus following" kind of way, I find them (us?) to be really good at not being judgmental hypocrites (for the most part, we are human after all). The teaching is bang on theologically and pretty applicable to real life.....there are sites in Oakville and Burlington (among other places). Let me know if you have any questions, or want company to check it out. I've been going there for approx 10 years.....
ReplyDeleteAlso, kudos to you for letting your kids explore their faith. My mom left her (abusive) church when she was 16 (with lots of hurt behind it) - 11 years later, her 3 year old started taking herself to church down the street. She had two choices: 1) no, we don't believe that and you're not going; 2) it's not for me, but I'll drop you off - when do you need to be picked up?. She chose the latter, and I'm very thankful. (The story is much bigger than that, but that's the nutshell version).