You're probably a Narcissist but so am I
I'm sure it wasn't like this for my mother. Mark Zuckerberg was merely a twinkle in Mr.Zuckerberg's eye when my mom was raising young kids. When she mingled with groups of other mothers, it was in the flesh. A book club, or the office lunch room. I imagine they made polite small talk about soccer fees and math tutors. They probably complimented each other on their cute kids and smiled politely. Fast forward 25 years. Social media exists and offers a venue for information sharing. Oh, and information shoving and information smearing and information induced gagging.
We have a vehicle for people to judge others and congratulate themselves from the safety of their laptops or cellphones, not forced to stand in the palpable stench of awkwardness that these posts would emit if they happened face to face. Can you imagine someone walking up to you and saying "Gee, I'm so glad I'm doing THIS and not THAT! Here's a mediocre study for you to read that proves that my way is the right way", handed you a document and strutted off like a retarded penguin? That's essentially what these posts look like from where I'm sitting. Circumcision, sleep training, vaccination-the list is endless and I'm growing tired. I'm part of an online community of mothers via Facebook, there are a total of 2000 of us in that group so differing opinions are to be expected, of course. Yet everyday, there is some woman who reads an article or a study proving that she's doing a bang-up job. Which is nice. Really, good for her. It does feel good to read something or hear something on the news that affirms the direction you've already been taking. My problem is that we've failed to recognize that for every study or article that bolsters our belief that we're nailing it, there's one to prove that we're bombing it. For every article warning that babies left to self-soothe at bedtime will be emotionally void thumb-sucking adults, there's an article that touts the benefits of encouraging healthy sleep and independence. No, we think "I KNEW IT! The others are doing it wrong and I must tell them. I must. It's my civic duty. Good job, me. I'm saving the world." and we click "share". As though sharing the article isn't enough, there is almost always a blurb by the "friend" or group member that begins with the words "I'm totally not judging but..." followed by a link to the article that proves you're endangering your child if you'd allow him to suck applesauce from a plastic pouch. I don't know about you but when I'm talking to someone and they start a sentence with "No offense but..." I know within a millisecond that I'm about to be offended. I appreciate these caveats about as much as I love an apology that starts with "I'm sorry but..." Of course, when these things are shared to a group of 2000 local women and a heated debate erupts, the original poster seems aghast at the fuss. "Oh dear, I didn't intend to cause any mama drama!" Right, you had no idea that circumcision might be a loaded topic. C'mon already. We're beating the snot out of a dead horse with these hot topics, they do nothing but pit us against each other. Isn't it safe, in this day and age, to assume that we've all heard of Google? If someone is in the midst of potty training or contemplating sleep training, they will likely do all the research they feel necessary to come to a decision that is right for their child and their family. Let's share Jimmy Kimmel clips and Pinterest hair tutorials instead.
I wonder if this information pushing is a new, modern type of narcissism? 'I deem this information wise and right and I would know because I'm wise and right. I shall now share it with my followers.' What with the advent of gym, funeral and after-sex selfies, I think that narcissism may just be a by-product of the digital world. Carefully curated online lives, designed to make us look happy, beautiful, and smart. I'm guilty of it too. Trust me-it's not lost on me that the very existence of this blog is narcissistic. I'm beginning to think that I need a social media detox, a big, fat, time-out. I need to sit on the naughty step for my selfies, my over-shares and my links to shit I've decided that you should know. I probably need to cull the herd of facebook friends too, if I only know you because you sold me Tupperware 3 years ago, we should call it a day. I know what you're thinking-"If you don't like it, leave the mamas group on facebook". Yes, I could do that but I'd miss out on some great things. Mainly, the chance to buy things gently used at a wicked discount. Plus, some of these women are cocoa for cuckoo puffs. Like "I have a half a packet of saltine crackers, $.75 or best offer" kinda crazy so I'd miss out on side-splitting laughter too. No joke, they'll sell you their opened grocery items. Of course, we're all entitled to our own opinions and we're entitled to share them through social media but I beg of you, if you feel the need to preface your post with the words "I'm so glad I never did this..." or "I can't believe people do that" or "just sayin!" or feel tempted to soften the blow with a lame smiley emoticon, think twice. But I'm totally not judging so please don't be offended, k? BFF's right? :) :) :)
We have a vehicle for people to judge others and congratulate themselves from the safety of their laptops or cellphones, not forced to stand in the palpable stench of awkwardness that these posts would emit if they happened face to face. Can you imagine someone walking up to you and saying "Gee, I'm so glad I'm doing THIS and not THAT! Here's a mediocre study for you to read that proves that my way is the right way", handed you a document and strutted off like a retarded penguin? That's essentially what these posts look like from where I'm sitting. Circumcision, sleep training, vaccination-the list is endless and I'm growing tired. I'm part of an online community of mothers via Facebook, there are a total of 2000 of us in that group so differing opinions are to be expected, of course. Yet everyday, there is some woman who reads an article or a study proving that she's doing a bang-up job. Which is nice. Really, good for her. It does feel good to read something or hear something on the news that affirms the direction you've already been taking. My problem is that we've failed to recognize that for every study or article that bolsters our belief that we're nailing it, there's one to prove that we're bombing it. For every article warning that babies left to self-soothe at bedtime will be emotionally void thumb-sucking adults, there's an article that touts the benefits of encouraging healthy sleep and independence. No, we think "I KNEW IT! The others are doing it wrong and I must tell them. I must. It's my civic duty. Good job, me. I'm saving the world." and we click "share". As though sharing the article isn't enough, there is almost always a blurb by the "friend" or group member that begins with the words "I'm totally not judging but..." followed by a link to the article that proves you're endangering your child if you'd allow him to suck applesauce from a plastic pouch. I don't know about you but when I'm talking to someone and they start a sentence with "No offense but..." I know within a millisecond that I'm about to be offended. I appreciate these caveats about as much as I love an apology that starts with "I'm sorry but..." Of course, when these things are shared to a group of 2000 local women and a heated debate erupts, the original poster seems aghast at the fuss. "Oh dear, I didn't intend to cause any mama drama!" Right, you had no idea that circumcision might be a loaded topic. C'mon already. We're beating the snot out of a dead horse with these hot topics, they do nothing but pit us against each other. Isn't it safe, in this day and age, to assume that we've all heard of Google? If someone is in the midst of potty training or contemplating sleep training, they will likely do all the research they feel necessary to come to a decision that is right for their child and their family. Let's share Jimmy Kimmel clips and Pinterest hair tutorials instead.
I wonder if this information pushing is a new, modern type of narcissism? 'I deem this information wise and right and I would know because I'm wise and right. I shall now share it with my followers.' What with the advent of gym, funeral and after-sex selfies, I think that narcissism may just be a by-product of the digital world. Carefully curated online lives, designed to make us look happy, beautiful, and smart. I'm guilty of it too. Trust me-it's not lost on me that the very existence of this blog is narcissistic. I'm beginning to think that I need a social media detox, a big, fat, time-out. I need to sit on the naughty step for my selfies, my over-shares and my links to shit I've decided that you should know. I probably need to cull the herd of facebook friends too, if I only know you because you sold me Tupperware 3 years ago, we should call it a day. I know what you're thinking-"If you don't like it, leave the mamas group on facebook". Yes, I could do that but I'd miss out on some great things. Mainly, the chance to buy things gently used at a wicked discount. Plus, some of these women are cocoa for cuckoo puffs. Like "I have a half a packet of saltine crackers, $.75 or best offer" kinda crazy so I'd miss out on side-splitting laughter too. No joke, they'll sell you their opened grocery items. Of course, we're all entitled to our own opinions and we're entitled to share them through social media but I beg of you, if you feel the need to preface your post with the words "I'm so glad I never did this..." or "I can't believe people do that" or "just sayin!" or feel tempted to soften the blow with a lame smiley emoticon, think twice. But I'm totally not judging so please don't be offended, k? BFF's right? :) :) :)
Nailed it.
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