Say What Now?

I know he loves me, but sometimes my husband says things that make me want to give him a nurple. For example, I splurged on a new BB cream. Ok, Ok-so it's $23.00. Whatever, that's a splurge in my books. This cream promises miracles, I'll be dewy, radiant and flawless with one application. As I took the cream out of the box I said light-heartedly "oooooh, I hope this cream makes me really purty!" To which Tim responded "Whoa. Don't put too much pressure on one cream." Wait. Did I hear him correctly, or have I had a mini stroke? Did he actually suggest that making me pretty is far too much work for one single cream to undertake?? I'm sure that what he meant to say was "Darling! Love of my life, how could you possibly improve upon perfection?"  Hmmmpfh. Well, screw him. I rolled my eyes dramatically but said nothing more.

A few days later, I was mid melt-down over Simon's upcoming baptism. We were having a sizable crowd of friends and family over and I was concerned freaking out about what we'd do for food, drinks and decoration. Gah!! I won't even have enough cutlery!! Amid my frantic planning, I started to worry that I'd bitten off more than I could chew. Tim made an offhand comment that nearly earned him a double nurple. I had to sit on my hands for a second to resist the urge to leap at him and twist his nipples like I was tuning an old stereo. He said "Well, we don't have to do all this!" All this?! Typical. I'm hardly guilty of "Party Mamas" behaviour, those moms are bat crap crazy. I'm not hiring performers from Cirque du Soleil or having a giant ice sculpture of my toddler carved for the event. I'm talking about a few lasagnas and a rented punch bowl. Of course we have to do 'all this'! Simon's being baptised on his first birthday, that's a double whammy! We MUST celebrate that with friends and family. Suggesting that I'm making a bigger deal of this than I need to just made me sad. It made me want to pull out the ugly cry. What's wrong with this ass-hat I married? Why couldn't he just be supportive?  Doesn't he care about these milestones?!?!

He does. He does care. He cares about me thinking that I need a fancy shmancy cream to feel beautiful. He knows that I'm a sucker for hype and often end up disappointed when a product (or a person or an opportunity) isn't everything it was cracked up to be. He was probably trying to keep my expectations in check. He cares about me losing sleep because I'm stressing over table linens and cutlery. He cares about me feeling obligated to other people instead of feeling focused on our own small family. He'd probably admit that he's not always diplomatic and I would have to agree with him. Still, his intentions are usually to solve my problems, to fix everything for me. Too bad that it drives me nuts.  I guess that I'll need to remind myself, as the years roll on, to give him the benefit of the doubt. When I can't give him that, I'll give him a nurple.


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